HOW CAN YOU TELL WHO WON THE POLITICAL DEBATE? The real questions to ask are as follows
The Californer/10251374

SAN MATEO, Calif. - Californer -- SO... WHO WON THE POLITICAL DEBATE?

First…the pundits and pollsters are going to track the polling numbers before and after the debate...

...but the real questions to ask are as follows....

*Who said the most stupid thing you ever heard?

*Who just played it safe?

*Who talked a good game but really didn't say anything?

*How many gaffs did this person make or did that person make?

*How many "Oops" moments were there?

*Who really doesn't have a clue on the issues or the solutions?

*How much time did you watch the debate without changing channels?

*Which candidates made you tune out immediately?

*How much time did you spend watching individual candidates?

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*How much time did you spend sleeping through the debate?

*What was the stupidest thing anyone said?

*What was the wisest thing anyone said?

*What was the worst question asked?

*What was the worst answer?

*What was the most vicious thing that one candidate said about another candidate?

*Later, what will the Nielsen ratings be? Will they be a 5, 10 or maybe even a 20…or…more likely, a 3, 2 or probably a 1 or none?

AND NOW…TO HELP CANDIDATES PREPARE FOR THE DEBATES:

Aside from their preparation for any policy questions, here are the really important things to consider in preparation for a political debate:

1) What kinds of foods should you eat to minimize the chances of burping or farting during the debate?

2) How long before the debate starts should you eat?

3) How long before the debate starts should you go to the bathroom, even if you don't have to?

4) Should you wear an adult diaper just in case?

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5) How much sleep should you get the night before the debate and how long before the debate starts should you wake up?

6) And of course, there's hair, makeup and wardrobe things to consider?

Do you have consultants on staff for these as well?

I'm sure that the debate coaches address all these issues, and it would be interesting to hear what they have to say.

AND NOW…TO HELP YOU ENJOY THE DEBATES AND THE UPCOMING POLITICAL SEASON EVEN MORE…you can treat yourself to a satirical song about politics that I co-wrote called "Run For Office."

You can hear a FREE CLIP of "Run For Office" at www.barrows.com/music.html and there is a link on that page where you can download the song for 99 cents on iTunes.