The Californer - Make America French Again Launches National Campaign

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New movement urges Americans to celebrate the original Frenchness of the nation's founding and to return to those timeless principles.

SAINT PAUL, Minn. - Californer -- For the anniversary of American independence and with Bastille Day on the horizon, Make America French Again (MAFA), a growing movement of Francophiles in the U.S., has launched a formal campaign to restore France to its rightful place at the center of American public life.

"MAFA stems from the simple observation that what made America great, back in the day, was France," explained MAFA founder and Professor Emeritus at Carleton College, Scott Dominic Carpenter. "After all, it was French money, French weapons, French soldiers, and French ships that helped win the Revolutionary War. Not to mention that knack the French have always had for getting under the skin of the British."

Of course, that was just the beginning. As Carpenter sees it, the United States has drawn heavily on France over the centuries, by purchasing the Louisiana Territory, accepting the Statue of Liberty, and even tolerating New Wave cinema.

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The sentiments behind MAFA are hardly new, and American leaders have long admired the standards of this important ally. John F. Kennedy dubbed the Gallic nation "America's oldest friend" while George W. Bush recognized it as "a country in Europe." During his recent foray abroad, Donald Trump noted that "Hey, Versailles isn't gold leaf, it's the real deal."

Accepting the Frenchness of the USA would be the original Originalism. "It took a herd of French philosophers to make the Declaration of Independence possible," explained Carpenter, who has written several books on the Franco-American connection. "English draws more from French than from any other language, giving our tongue that special je ne sais quoi."

A rapidly growing movement, MAFA's followers already number in the hundreds. The campaign strives to unite Americans of every political persuasion around a practical program of Frenchification:

The abiding principles of liberty, equality, and fraternity.
The conversion of Starbucks locations into real cafés with real coffee.
The replacement of all baseball caps with berets.
Public investment in wine and cheese.
Universal access to a decent baguette.
More joie de vivre overall.

But isn't it anti-American to become more French? "Non," asserts MAFA charter member Brenda Farouche. "After all, there's nothing more American than adoring Paris—just look at that Netflix show about Emily." According to Farouche, Americans become more fully themselves each time they eat a croissant, share a bottle of wine, or enjoy a vaguely sexy movie with a weird ending.

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"En conclusion," says Carpenter, "by working together, we can build a country worthy of the Frenchness that made it possible." He added that further announcements from the movement about membership, policy, ceremonial attire, and approved forms of mustard would be forthcoming.

All U.S. citizens and select Canadians are invited to join the MAFA movement.

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About MAFA:
Make America French Again is a political, cultural, gastronomic, and occasionally practical movement devoted to viewing the United States through the clarifying lens of France. We seek to help America fulfill its destiny by becoming noticeably, confidently, and agreeably more French. Learn more at FrenchLikeMoi.Substack.com. For more information about Scott Dominic Carpenter, visit SDCarpenter.com.