The Californer - The Playdate Dilemma Many Face

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The Joy and Dread of Playdates with Different Parenting Styles

SAN DIEGO - Californer -- Parents discuss their concerns about playdates which tend to be more about different parenting styles than about the actual event. "Communication is crucial when planning playdates. Scheduling an agreed-to agenda will help prevent a playdate dilemma," says Kristin Edwards, Director of Lifetime Montessori School, a local private Preschool - Elementary school.

Playdates are tough. The three main tension areas typically concern technology, food and disciplinary styles. Discussing all of these options prior to scheduling a playdate will help prevent issues that may occur.

Videos, TV & Tech

Watching television, playing violent video games and using iPads is the number one subject to discuss in advance. Some parents allocate strict limits on the use of this technology while others are more liberal.

"A key piece of a play date concerns whether the after-school get together is sedentary or has physical activity attached with it. Are kids getting together to sit all afternoon in someone's living room with a 55" TV screen while a parent works in an adjacent room or are they going to the park, playground or pool with parents physically nearby?" Edwards asks.

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Food Choices

Additionally, some parents are stern when it comes to junk food or fast food while others are not. For example, eating Cheetos and going to a fast food restaurant may seem like a treat to some moms but others may not abide.

"Many parents do not like kids eating artificial colors, artificial flavors, added sugars in soft drinks and the like," Edwards says. "The landscape is also marred when parents don't know that another child cannot eat specific foods like peanuts. And, of course, a heavy sugary snack at 4pm may ruin the child's dinner. When in doubt, bring your own snack."

Disciplinary Styles

Finally, there's parental disciplinary styles. What happens when your child sees another child talking back to his parents while on a playdate? Or, parents yelling at their child in front of your child for some misdemeanor? Or, finally, just flat out disobedience?

Other kids' parenting styles can negatively impact yours which may lead to judgment and whispers among parents—which hurts everybody.

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"In sum, simply work it all out in advance and communicate with the parent to make sure you're happy to prevent a playdate dilemma. All we can do is engage our own child. So, delete any post-playdate judgments you may have about the parenting styles of others," Edwards says. "Let's remember what counts: It's all about your child. Kids are happy having friends over! And let's do that with a minimum of awkwardness."

Lifetime Montessori school offers an English/Spanish bilingual Primary program. For a virtual or private tour of the school, visit: http://www.lifetimemontessorischool.com/free-tours.